50 Things to do on an Elevator to Pass the Time?

Or, "50 Things to Piss Off the Other Passengers..."

  1. Make race car noises everytime someone gets on or off.
  2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents to the others.
  3. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead repeatedly and muttering, "Shut up dammit! All of you, just SHUT UP!"
  4. Whistle "It's a Small World" incessantly.
  5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
  6. On a long ride, sway back and forth to the natural frequency of the elevator.
  7. Shave.
  8. Crack open your briefcase or handbag and, while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
  9. Hand out name tags to everyone getting on.
  10. Stand silently and motionless in a corner, facing the wall, and don't get off.
  11. Just before arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open then act surprised when they open by themselves.
  12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a wet willy?"
  13. Greet everyone getting on with a hardy handshake and introduce yourself as the "Elevator Admiral."
  14. One word. Flatulence.
  15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand it remain open till you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft hit the bottom.
  16. Do Tai Chi.
  17. Stare, grinning, at one of the passengers. When they notice you, claim, "I have new underwear on".
  18. Stand in the back. When the elevator is packed, mutter, "Oh, NO! Not now damn motion sickness..."
  19. Give last rites.
  20. Meow or growl occasionally.
  21. Bet the other passengers you can fit 5 quarters in your nose.
  22. Frown and mutter the Detrol jingle, "Gotta Go, Gotta Go". Then say, "Oops..."
  23. Start pulling out your shirt tail and ask, "Does this look infected?"
  24. Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" while pushing every button in order.
  25. Holler, "Chutes away!" everytime the elevator descends.Walk in with a cooler that says in bold large letters "Human Head" on the side.
  26. Stare at one passenger for a while, then mutter, "You're one of THEM!", then move away from him/her.
  27. Burp then say, "MMmmmm...Tasty."
  28. Leave a box between the doors when you get off and ignore any warnings.
  29. Ask each person getting on, in your best 'excited little kid voice' if you can push the button for them.
  30. Wear a hand puppet and talk 'thru' it.
  31. Start a sing-along.
  32. When the elevator is perfectly silent, look around a ask angrily, "Well? Are you going to answer that?"
  33. Play air guitar or air accordion.
  34. Shadow box.
  35. Say "Ding" at each floor.
  36. Lean against the button panel.
  37. Say, "I wonder what these do?" then push all the buttons. If you are brave and larger than the rest, push the red ones, too.
  38. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. If no stethoscope is available, use a small drinking glass and press your ear to it.
  39. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce, "THIS is my personal space."
  40. Bring a chair and have a seat.
  41. Take a big bite out of a sandwich than offer it to someone.
  42. Bring on Mr. Bubble and blow bubbles.
  43. Pull your gum out in long strings.
  44. Announce in your best 'Demonic Voice', "I must find a more suitable host body."
  45. Carry a small blanket and clutch it protectively.
  46. Make a light-saber swishing sound everytime a button is pushed.
  47. Wear 'X-Ray' specs and stare suggestively at passengers.
  48. Stare at your thumb and say, "My God, I think it's getting bigger!"
  49. If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH!"
  50. Stage a fight between your left hand trying to save you and your right hand trying to strangle you.

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